Kitty with Cat-ittude!
by Asmicarus
Summary: Eric thinks himself a genius a brilliant idea springs into his mind. He didn't think it would become a battle for Alan's undivided attention! T for safety! Angst is very, very minimal! Oneshot


**I hope you like this (remember I'm Wibblestretch on DA!) Rated T only for safety! A teensy bit of angst at the end but over I tried to lay off the sad stuff. Believe me, as a person who took a literature A level we have enough of that as it is! No characters are mine! Enjoy : D**

 **Kitty with Cat-ittude!**

Eric wouldn't call himself an overly possessive guy… but this was ridiculous. How could Alan let another male rub himself all over him, lick his neck and share his bed? Yeah, so what if he's gorgeous? Long legs, big brown eyes and a soft voice. Whenever Eric walked by his companion and showed him any kind of affection he would get the damn stink eye, it was like they were waging war against one another for Alan's undivided attention. He didn't think it possible, but it had happened. Eric Slingby was jealous of Alan's stupid, freaking cat.

It had been just a thoughtful gesture at first, but now Eric was kicking himself to think he'd actually insinuated this. As Alan's thorns got a little more violent and he spent more time at home Eric had noticed a change in his partner's demeanor. He was a little more dead behind the eyes and Eric could just tell he was a little lonely by himself all day with nothing to do but sleep and read. Eric had thought himself to be a genius when the idea of a pet sprang to his mind. It was foolproof! This way Alan could have a companion and exercise his weirdly maternal instinct to look after small things. Eric made his decision and that very night after work he made his way to the rehoming centre. A friendly woman greeted him at the desk and offered to show him around. There were plenty of animals to choose from, but they came to the conclusion a cat was the most appropriate option. It was fairly self-maintaining for when they were at work and small enough for their accommodation, perfect.

He had picked the first cat he saw without much thought. It was cute, fluffy and so very Alan. With his purchase made he promptly tried to ignore the way it hissed and screamed at him all the way back to their home. Eric was beginning to regret this already. He did think that maybe he should have looked at the options before selecting the most un- domestic feline in the entire centre. Walking through the door, Eric knew Alan would be in bed after a particularly nasty attack so he gently knocked on the door, just in case he was catching up on some well deserved rest. A quiet "come in" followed. Alan smiled up at Eric from his place against the headboard, copy of 'Pride and Prejudice' in hand. Eric strategically placed the cage where Alan couldn't see it and sat at the bedside.

"How're ya feeling?" he smiled gently and patted his hair.

"Much better, thank you" Alan pressed his head into Eric's palm. The moment was suddenly broken by a loud hiss and metal bars clattering against it's hinges.

"Eric, what's that?" Alan queried, trying to see over the footboard and to the calamity unfolding on the floor. Eric resigned to trying to explain this… this… creature.

"Well, I though' maybe you were gettin' a little lonely all by yourself so I though' about a pet. But he's about as friendly as Will, with an attitude like Grell… on a bad day." Alan stared back at Eric blankly before a small laugh escaped his lips.

"That was a sweet thought Eric, thank you" Eric picked up the cat cage from the floor. The bloody animal had its ears plastered to its head and small, but sharp, fangs on display for the Scotsman to see. His glare was very much recuperated. He hesitantly unlocked the cage and reached a hand in. The cat shot out the cage and straight into Alan's lap. Alan jumped a little, shocked at the reaction, but was pleased to see the cat curled up on his lap. Alan reached out a hand to stoke the length of its back and it began to purr, suddenly seeming like the perfect angel.

"Must've been the journey that aggravated him, poor little fella" Eric reached a hand hesitantly to stroke him as well, at least making an effort to create some sort of peace, but claws made their way into the skin of his arm.

"Aw, Fu-" Eric retracted his hand and hissed in pain and looked back at the cat. At that moment he could see the little bastard smirking at him as he rubbed up against Alan's cheek.

"I'm sure he'll warm up to you, but seriously Eric, thank you, I love him" Alan gave Eric a wide grin, truly thankful, but as Eric leaned down to Alan history repeated itself and he ended up with four distinct scratches to his cheek. Alan just looked sympathetic, but that was the moment Eric knew it was war.

"I'm gonna name 'im Macavity"

From that moment forth a battle went on behind Alan's back for who could compete for his affections. Eric played the first move:

As it turned out, Macavity was an easy cat to entertain with the aid of a simple laser pointer and a bin with a hanging lid. Eric and Alan were on the sofa one night after work with the fire roaring and some wine in their systems Eric could sense that Alan was asleep, his head falling against Eric's shoulder, that made Eric smile, the moment was perfect. That was when Macavity made his presence known with knocking the books off the shelf on the far side of the living room.

"Oi! Shut up, you're going to wake 'im up!" Macavity didn't stop. He continued to sway his tail and a copy of 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' fell to the floor, Eric could have sworn he saw the cheeky little bastard grin like the Cheshire cat.

That's when Eric noticed the newly purchased laser pointer on the coffee table. Gently maneuvering Alan Eric picked it up and switched it on. It caught Macavity's eye right away. He pounced for the little red dot and scrambled down the bookcase to catch it. Eric flickered it towards the connecting kitchen and smirked to himself when he saw the bin in full view of the laser. Flickering it over the lid Macavity went at it full blast and fell head first into the bin with a loud meow and a satisfying thud. Eric smiled and lifted Alan into his arms and carried him into the bedroom and felt quite content with himself, his mind assured that Alan could get a good night's sleep tonight.

"Eric, where's the cat?" Alan mumbled, starting to turn over, Eric calmed his nerves.

"The only pussycat I see here is right here"

"Eric!" Alan exclaimed, as Eric felt over satisfied with himself. Macavity spent the night in the bin and Eric happily the centre of Alan's attention.

Eric 1: Dumb cat:0

That may have been a small victory for Eric, however over the next few weeks Macavity had been plotting his revenge. Over those passing weeks Alan hadn't had a single attack and he was the strongest he had been in a while so tonight Eric wanted to surprise him with a nice dinner cooked to perfection. He planned it all to the last second, so while Alan went to the office to finish some paperwork Eric began cooking.

He was just setting into the swing of things. He put the apron on and began to sift flour and butter into a bowl. He'd measured all the ingredients and now it was just a case of cooking. Eric kneaded the flour and butter and then took a brief moment to wash his hands. He was just drying them on the fluffy towel on the back of the bathroom door, his mind wandering for a minute.

 _Smash._

No. No, no, no this cannot be happening! Eric practically flew down the stairs and what or rather who had decided to grace him with his presence? The demon cat himself. The bowl of flour and butter had crashed in a heap creating an almighty mess on the wooden floor. Eric's eyes met Macavity's and they both shared a snarl.

"Alrigh' come 'ere ya possessed fur ball!" Eric gave chase and began yelling and cussing his lungs out half in English and half in Gaelic. He would have to apologize to the neighbors later. Macavity scrambled away from the angry reaper, letting out feral hisses and loud meows. As he made his way over the counter he knocked over not only the flour but also the butter, eggs, milk and icing sugar all adding to the disaster zone on the floor.

"Tha's it ya bloody useless waste of my time! All I wanted was a stupid, nice-"

"Eric!" Eric's head snapped around and there in the hallway stood Alan, back early from work, with hands on his hips looking incredibly pissed off.

"Leave the poor thing alone and for goodness sake clean up my kitchen! I wish you would be more responsible with your mess!" Alan was clearly upset and after an outburst like that he always made his way into the bedroom to lie down. Damn, he even slammed the door. Macavity let out a small purr.

Dumb Scotsman 1: Macavity: 1

The next few years continued in a similar fashion with the reaper and the cat one-upping each other for Alan's attention and they were content with that for a good while.

That was until everything went wrong.

Eric made his way into the apartment, still wearing his black suit from the funeral service. It was appropriately raining hard and thunder storming outside. Eric was completely dead behind the eyes. He sat himself down on the couch still dripping wet. His eyes drifted to the photo on the mantelpiece. Him and Alan's trip to Cornwall was their first trip together. Alan was smiling brightly and Eric had his arm around him. They looked so happy. Eric held these memories close to his heart now that Alan was… was…

Eric could not hold it any longer. He cried for the first time in a long time. The tears continued to come until he noticed a pair of eyes peering at him from the doorway. Eric observed Macavity. He had gone slightly grey around the muzzle and his eyes had sunken into his head in his old age. Macavity must have sensed something was wrong. For the first time in forever he jumped onto the couch with the Scotsman and Eric was almost still with shock when Macavity rubbed his cheek against Eric's. Eric placed his arms around the cat and they lay still on the couch.

They eventually fell asleep like that. Macavity quite nicely curled up on Eric's chest with the mans arms around him. They mourned together for the loss of Alan and the apartment didn't quite feel the same without the competition.

But Eric had Macavity and they could finally agree they both loved Alan as much as the other. This fact united the man and animal together. Finally in an agreement of peace they could both live with.


End file.
